Are Mothers Superhuman?
This post is talking to anyone who identifies as mothering or maternal. There is so much weight with that title. There is a responsibility that comes with motherhood that is not put upon anyone else. Mothers are expected to bear all of the emotional labour, teaching, and obligations to keep everyone else happy and thriving. It often comes at the cost of our own wellbeing.
The truth of the mater is that no, we are not superhuman. We are ordinary humans who are expected to do extraordinary things, jump through indefinite hoops, and give up ourselves entirely for the sake of our kids. I'm not down with that. Feminism has taught me that this is not sustainable for ANY person. The expectations society have put onto mothers are un-attainable. I am tired of forever chasing the line where I can feel like a "good enough" mother. It doesn't exist, it never will. This 'line' is meant to keep us small and defeated. It is 100% the patriarchy. The system that wants us to believe we are meant to be nothing so that we don't realize the power, relief, and freedom that comes from choosing not to align with that messaging.
I have chosen to step our of the "superhuman" narrative when it comes to being a mother, and simply 'be.' I no longer get caught up in the stories and thought loops about how I should act, what I should be doing, and how little of myself I should have left at the end of it all. Motherhood is beautiful and messy. I am infinitely grateful my children have chosen me to be their mom, and I am no longer letting those truths come at the cost of loosing myself completely. I am a mother, yes, but more importantly I am ME. I have ambitions and dreams, I have wants and needs, all of which go beyond my identity as a mother and the role motherhood in my life.
I want to be left mentally and emotionally intact when my children start to form their own lives. I no longer constantly sacrifice my own well being for theirs. I understand if I am not well, neither are they. I need to put my own oxygen mask on before anyone else's. I make sure that whatever we're doing is in support of everyone in our household, not just the kids. I make sure that my relationship with my partner is that of a partnership, there is no one person who is expected to run the household entirely. We share duties, labour, and love. We function with the intent of making sure EVERYONE's needs are being met. When my needs are being met, I can happily met the needs of others.
No I am not a superhuman, I never want that title. I want to be human, in all of its mess, chaos, and beauty. Most importantly, I want ME.